The other day, in the group of students answered a question.
How to do things without character? I feel like a lot of things, but always want to do this, a while want to do that, feel not see the results will be easy to self-doubt, do not know what should choose ……
This is my answer.
To do any one thing, to see the results, are required to do long-term commitment.
Your problem is actually a common fault of many people: there is no a clear direction, thinking about doing it, not seeing results in a short period of time, it is easy to give up, or to shift attention to other directions.
This will be easy to fall into three minutes of enthusiasm and self-doubt inside.
I would suggest that
(1) Give up the idea of being too eager for quick success.
(2) to a wide range of exposure and exploration of what you want to do, do not pay too much attention to the results, but focus on, observe and experience the process of your feelings. For example, am I enjoying myself in the process of doing this? Did I enjoy the thing, or did I enjoy the benefits it could bring me? And so on.
(3) through 2, find what you can enjoy and like, and then set a direction and goal for it, and then do it for a long time.
Most of the time our “like” is not really like, just superficial and superficial just. Really like is willing to sacrifice and give up other possibilities for it. If you can’t let go, you don’t have to talk about liking.
I feel that this problem is also a common problem of many people. So, today I intend to expand to talk about it.
When we think about “like”, what is one of the most common misconceptions?
Many people common practice, is to “like” constructed on top of the results. I like something because it gives me what I want to gain. This gain may be income, influence, visibility, the satisfaction of being recognized, affirmed, appreciated, and so on.
But this is actually not right, it is not a healthy mindset.
Why? Because, in this case, you are all motivated by the external drive brought to you by “getting things done”. Then, it can easily lead to one result.
When you do not have a continuous external drive, you can easily stop and lose motivation.
This is manifested in the outside, is a shallow, three-minute heat.
Which is better: external drive or internal drive? It’s hard to tell the difference, but the biggest problem with external drive is that it’s often uncertain, even unstable. If you build your career, or what you “like”, on top of external drive, then its foundation is very unstable. You may lose control of it at any time.
The reason for this is that many people have a bias that
He succeeded because he took a certain action; so I can replicate his results by replicating that action.
I call this the “attribution fallacy”. Why is it a fallacy? Because very often, there is no necessary causal relationship between the occurrence of an outcome and the corresponding action. It may be the result of a combination of factors, and the action you see, but “happens to be” one of the factors.
For example, if you see someone else’s writing, being reprinted, published, and getting paid, you are very envious and want to get paid through writing, but you have not been successful. The reason may not be that your writing is not as good as others, but more likely: this is a small probability, others just happened to meet the other side of the opportunity, to meet the other side of the demand.
So, if you go into writing with the intention of “I want to earn money”, then the odds are that you will be disappointed – because it is likely to be a small probability event.
In this case, you will lack the external drive to write, which will constantly cut your motivation to write. In the end, you associate “writing” with negative thinking — am I bad at writing? Is it because I’m not appreciated? Is it because I’m unlucky and not being discovered by ……?
This will form a negative vicious circle, constantly hit your self-confidence, over time, let you disappointed in it, and even lower your own self-esteem.
That’s why I often say: what is it that we are after? It’s internal drive. That is: even if you do not achieve good results, I can still “do the thing itself”, to get a sense of pleasure and accomplishment.
Many articles will tell you to “focus on the process, not the results” (including I also wrote), which is actually a bit put the cart before the horse. Why do you say so? Because very often, it is because of a thing, we can not get pleasure from the process, we will focus on the results.
So, what I want to tell you is this.
If something, you focus on the result more than the process, if you find that you do not feel pleasure in the process, you just want to get it over with as soon as possible to see if you can get the desired results —
Then, it only means that you do not like it at all, and it is likely not for you.
Don’t do such a thing, or at least, don’t bet too much on it.
So, what exactly is “like”?
Let’s take an example: I write a 4-5,000 word article every week, which is actually a very hard process. I have to start from Monday to conceive the topic, Thursday to determine the topic, collect information, push each logical link, and then shut down for a day to write it out.
You may think, although hard work, but after writing to send out can get a very high reading, likes and comments ah, this is not a strong motivation?
But if you just rely on the results of the feedback, it is difficult to survive the initial start-up period without data. What makes me able to “stick” down is? In the process of writing, there are many small, stage sense of achievement and pleasure.
The feeling of happiness and fulfillment when I finally come up with a great topic.
The pleasure of clearing up the messy ideas and getting the whole picture straight.
There is a sense of satisfaction when you finally finish the logic chain by checking the data to verify your assumptions.
So, what is like? It’s the fact that you’re in the process of doing this thing and you’re able to enjoy every part of it, enjoy every use of your brain and hands. These things are a chore for others, and for you, it is a challenge, an accomplishment, and a pleasure.
Where does this experience come from? You have to really get into it and go into action to feel it.
Enjoyment is a form of long-termism. It is essentially a belief.
Another common misconception that many people make is: I need to find something I like and then act on it. This is actually not true. What you like will never fall from the sky, you must first take action, and then in action to play your ability to overcome difficulties, to get feedback, you can really “like” it.
In other words, what is like? It’s not that something is naturally “right” for you and you want to find it, but that you find, after trying and acting, that there are many difficulties and challenges in doing something, and that you are capable of dealing with them, and that you are not averse to the process of dealing with these challenges, and that you can get positive feedback from it — that’s the essence of liking.
In other words: liking is actually the output of a circular loop. You face challenges, use your talents, overcome them, get feedback, and move on to more difficult challenges — it’s a cycle. And these feedback in the cycle gradually add up to constitute the “like”.
Our genes largely determine how our brains receive and “connect” to information — it’s like a framework for our brains that tells you what you tend to do and what you don’t tend to do.
And this tendency is reinforced and amplified by our later experiences. We are exposed to all kinds of experiences and knowledge, and that which fits our tendencies is more likely to be mastered and reinforced as our skills.
Each task has its own requirements and requires different skills to cope with it. If the requirements of a certain type of task fit the skills you tend to have, it will be easier for you to feel comfortable doing it and get twice as much work done, and you will get the feeling that “I can intervene in the world like this”.
This type of task, we call his “expertise”. And this feeling will become the support of our sense of value, so that we feel “so I am valuable to the world” “the world needs me”, so as to strengthen their own existence of a sense of meaning, a sense of purpose.
Therefore, it is not that you have to find your goal first and then take action; rather, you have to keep exploring all kinds of possibilities, putting in efforts and energy, and in the process, slowly discovering your “tendency”, so as to finally find the source of your sense of meaning and purpose.
Therefore, I always say: finding “what I am suitable for” and “what I want to do” can be said to be the most important lesson in a person’s life, and it is also something that needs to be practiced and discovered as soon as possible.
So how to achieve this? It boils down to one thing: explore the world as much as possible and be exposed to different possibilities.
Some people are able to find their “mission” at a very young age and know what they should focus on, thus achieving enviable results. Is this because they are smart? Not necessarily. The key reason is that they are lucky enough to have a good environment to discover their own tendencies and expertise early in life.
That’s why I often tell parents with children that they don’t need to have high expectations for their children, which can be a burden for them. Very often, if you give him enough love, companionship and material conditions, and on top of that, give him enough freedom to develop his natural tendencies and find a “specialty” that he can “enjoy”, and give him enough support, you have done your duty. We have done our duty.
Likewise, for each of us, fully engaging with the world and finding our own expertise is something that must be a priority.
But unfortunately, the brain has an innate need to save energy. Based on this need, what is more commonly the case?
We tend to get stuck in our familiar patterns and lives, living in our familiar world and not daring to take a step beyond it. Thus, our circle of life, becomes smaller and smaller.
So, as we grow older, we are more and more afraid to go “risky”, afraid to break the routine, and every day we repeat what we are already very familiar with, but always confused: what is the meaning of my life? What is the point of doing this every day? Why is life so boring, tedious, boring?
It is still the same problem: the sense of meaning of life never depends on “finding”, and it will not fall in front of you from the sky; you must act first, and then you can find the sense of meaning and purpose in action, and get rid of this lethargic and tedious life.
Therefore, I often say, before 30 years old, in fact, is the stage of trial and error. But this trial and error is never aimless, rather, you have to keep trying and experience enough reflection and scrutiny to discover your own tendencies and expertise.
Am I good with people, or with things?
Am I good at looking at the big picture and planning well, or am I good at taking things one step at a time and getting things done solidly?
Am I good at building something from scratch, or am I good at modifying and improving an existing thing?
Am I good at using my inspiration and creativity, or am I good at learning and collecting data by using rigorous logical thinking?
In this regard, there are many relevant tests on the market, such as Type 9 personality, MBTI, Gallup …… I am often asked by readers whether these tests are useful. In fact, most tests are not that significantly useful. Because the results they can give you are often the results you already have in your mind. You are not using the test to find your “true self”, but only to reinforce your perceptions and impressions of yourself.
So why do the results of many tests often overlap with your perception of yourself? To a large extent, it is because the answer you fill in is often the answer you think “I should be”.
So, what is a more effective approach?
My personal opinion is: pay attention to how you feel inside during the process of doing something. Because, feelings often do not deceive you. Are you excited and excited, or are you irritated and bored; are you interested in “another new challenge”, or are you just going through the motions “I don’t want to do this crap”?
Your heart will give you the best answer.
So, in many of my articles, I will mention: to do more journal, more review, more reflection.
Do this, not only to summarize your experience into a system, on the other hand, but also to let you talk to your own heart: I am doing these things, what I really feel? Is it right for me? If I do it long term and consistently, will I be able to accept it?
As I mentioned earlier about turning 30, is it true that you shouldn’t go through trial and error after 30? Not really. It’s just that after 30, we tend to have our own stable families and careers, so the costs and obstacles of trial and error are a bit greater.
But still: if you don’t want to be tied down by your daily life and don’t want to be plagued by a lack of meaning, then what you should do is to immediately take time out to do new things and explore new possibilities.
Many people may say: I want to step out of my daily life, but I always have all kinds of worries and find it difficult to take action, what should I do?
A simple and effective suggestion is: try to take minimal steps first and take your time.
These steps, perhaps you can try to do them now after reading the article.
First, let yourself brainstorm a list of all the activities you can think of that you might be interested in. For example, a certain industry, a certain profession, a certain hobby ……
Then, from this list, rank them according to your first instinct. Start with the first one, give it a month, and set aside half an hour a day to try your hand at it.
You can search the Internet: XXX how to get started; you can also ask around you in your friends, whether anyone has done this piece, can exchange to ask for advice.
Through the above ways to find a way to get started, such as reading books, then first buy back, without demanding the “best way to get started”, just buy a book with a high recommendation, read a little every day, even if it is a page or two.
Slowly, you may have a little bit of the most rudimentary understanding of the field. You may find that it does not seem to be the same as you first thought (and it may be the same) …… This is a good thing. As your understanding deepens, you then continue to observe yourself: my interest in it, has it increased, or decreased.
If your interest in it decreases dramatically, or if you try it out for a while and find that you don’t really fit in very well — then set it aside for a while and try the next item inside the list ……
And if your interest in it is still strong, then the next step is to get your hands dirty and make something out of it. You can refer to the textbook, you can imitate others, it doesn’t matter, but you must let yourself start to do it, from the input to the output, so that you can further test its degree of fit for you.
If you are in the process of “creating”, you feel, eh, although there will be many obstacles, but the process of overcoming them seems to be quite fun; or, you feel, as if I do it quite fast, seems to be better than others do some ……
Well, congratulations, this is probably your “area of expertise”.
This is a long-term thing, do not rush in the moment, may as well take it as part of life, do not pay too much attention to the results, but to slowly experience and feel every detail of the process, every internal fluctuations, every subtle thought, every happy and disappointed.
Let your heart tell you the answer.
Finally, add a few more ways to help you discover your “expertise”.
Ask yourself: What are some of the things that you often remember being praised, affirmed and appreciated for?
Think back: were there things you were always able to do faster and better than others, and others would ask you for advice and help?
Even, you can ask your colleagues and friends around you: If you would pay me to help you do something, what would it be?
True like, is you are willing to invest for it regardless of the results.
Even prefer to give up other opportunities and possibilities for it.
It is not a matter of expediency after calculating the benefits, success or failure.
It is the voice of your heart where you can’t help but look.
Posted by:CoinYuppie，Reprinted with attribution to:https://coinyuppie.com/how-do-i-find-what-i-really-love-when-i-dont-have-a-sense-of-purpose-in-what-i-do/
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