After the breakup, the ex became an “actuary”

Feelings are gone, so let’s settle accounts.

“Naked resignation can be, but naked points can not, net out of the household is impossible.” With the development of the social economy and the rise of legal awareness, contemporary people are increasingly concerned about their rights and interests, break up, are to make a good calculation.

Previously, Bill Gates and his wife Melinda’s huge breakup fee triggered a hot debate on the grid. According to public media reports, the total value of the two “breakup fees” has exceeded $3 billion, equivalent to about 19.3 billion yuan.

In fact, Bill Gates’ huge breakup fee is not a precedent, and there are countless cases of “fine accounting” after there is no more love.

In 2020, the market value of nearly 100 billion of Contempore Biological released an announcement, the chairman of the company due to the dissolution of marriage for property division, intends to directly hold 161 million shares of the company transferred to the name of his ex-wife Yuan Liping, equivalent to about 23.5 billion yuan.

Than the chairman of Kangtai biological peaceful breakup of the astronomical breakup fee, founder Li Guoqing and Yu Yu’s divorce case more on the head, especially the litigation side of Li Guoqing, the demand for an equal share of equity claims, more representative of the current part of people’s view of love – feelings are gone, then talk about money.

And in life, these cases are everywhere. Just a few days ago, “the man broke up after suing his girlfriend to return the money won the lawsuit,” occupying two full days of microblogging topic list, the topic reading reached 330 million times.

According to media reports, in August last year, Nanjing, Jiangsu Province, Mr. Li and Ms. Zhang, who had been in love for more than a year, finally decided to break up due to several heated arguments. After the breakup, Mr. Li asked Ms. Zhang to return the transfers made during the relationship, totaling more than 40,000 yuan. Ms. Zhang ignored it, and after repeatedly asking for it, Mr. Li took Ms. Zhang to court.

On May 20, Nanjing Qinhuai Court ruled that Ms. Zhang should return all the transfers made by her ex-boyfriend who had been in love with her for more than a year, totaling more than 40,000 yuan. The court ruling found that Ms. Zhang could not provide evidence that the transfers were all gifts, and there were no numbers of love expressed during the relationship, such as 520 yuan, 1314 yuan, 888 yuan, 999 yuan and other amounts of special significance, so the transfers were characterized as loans, and Ms. Zhang had to repay more than 40,000 yuan of loans.

The topic of #suing to pay back money after breakup won the lawsuit # has just been withdrawn, and another topic #should men and women pay back money after breakup was derived on Weibo, which reached nearly 200 million times, triggering over 10,000 people to participate in the discussion, even professional lawyers also participated in it to express their views.

Weibo vlogger, Liu Hui, a partner lawyer at Beijing Zhenbang Law Firm, said that although the lawsuit was won, it must have lost something. If it is a large transfer of money for the purpose of marriage, it should be in accordance with the nature of the bride price, and should be returned after the breakup. If it is a small amount of daily interaction spending, I personally think it should be considered as a gift and do not need to be returned. “For this case, I think the case is controversial and debatable.”

Beijing Weiheng (Chengdu) law firm lawyer Yin Xiaolu also said in a post on social media platforms that the way the court ruled that the transfer was determined was not very reasonable from a legal and emotional point of view. The two sides of the relationship are obviously more closely attached to each other than to the general social relationship, and the use of funds is not always so clear. If you really want to identify as a loan, then at least should provide chat records and other evidence for preliminary proof, rather than transferring money first by default as a loan, and then proof of a gift.

And under the topic, netizens outraged group, there are many netizens tweeting their own breakup after the strange experience of being asked for gifts, that although separated, but once loved, talk about money hurt feelings. There are also some netizens who share their feelings about getting gifts back from their predecessors, saying that it doesn’t matter if there are feelings, money can’t be wasted.

Netizens for the event of the right and wrong to start a heated discussion, from the breakup should not return the money to return the gift, to men and women in love should not count so clearly, and even rise to men and women should not fall in love. Regardless of the outcome of the dispute, behind the super-hot topic is a reflection of the contemporary concept of marriage and love.

Once divorced or broken up, should we settle accounts with our exes properly? We talked to several young people about their views on marriage and their stories. Someone together for eight years, after the breakup even milk tea money asked to share the return; someone broke up on the eve of the wedding, the boyfriend was afraid of wasting money on the banquet, the direct choice of dating for a bride; someone worried about being second wife to count the house, the house directly to the ex-wife and children.

After the breakup, he dumped me eight years of account books to pay me back
Shinran | 30-year-old freelancer
I believe he is the right person to whom I can deliver all my youth, but I never thought it would be so easy to make up my mind to break up, just in that moment.

In the eight years we have been together, I never thought of breaking up. From high school to college, and then into society, I spend a lot of money, he is careful, in this regard, everyone said we are very compatible. My family often said to me that he is perfect for people like him, down-to-earth, stable, and more importantly, his personality and and I formed a complementary.

But his calculating, in fact, is not common understanding, but all this, I also came to my senses only after the breakup.

Eight years of time, in school others are receiving holiday, birthday gifts, I only have a dry even packaged roses, I consoled myself that he does not know how to romance; after work, in others are going out for the holidays, he only a happy holiday, I consoled myself that two people are too busy, will make up for it later. When you think about it, he gave me gifts that I could count on both hands, and the gifts I gave back to him far exceeded what he gave to me.

Although I say I don’t mind, but the heart is more or less hard to feel, after all, I am also a girl, also want to have the feeling of being held in the palm of your hand.

As a girl, have a love of beauty, within the ability of the basis, I often buy buy buy, but almost no use of his money. My own monthly salary of tens of thousands of dollars, “buy buy buy” outside, but also can save a little money every month, but this situation in the “school bully”, or in the view of the loser, squandering. We often quarrel because of this reason, in order to avoid quarrels, I also gradually restrain myself, not much shopping.

In order to prepare for the wedding, we also saved money together. Every month, he “meticulously” pays for all of our living expenses. Even every time we go out to eat or travel together, but also did not let him spend all the money, many times I go to the check, in my opinion, we are a family, do not need to count who is spending money. But my friends keep reminding me that our state is not suitable for marriage, but I do not believe.

After the breakup, the ex became an "actuary"

Photo/ “We Can’t Be Friends

I don’t know if it’s because of the school bully, he always had the habit of keeping accounts, I saw about 3-4 books. In what time bought what vegetables, what time he bought how much cat food, and even recorded how much it cost to buy me milk tea, these I did not care, but I did not expect later, these books became his “breakup fee” evidence.

In the 8 years together, I have not officially been to his home to meet his parents, before because of study, and later because of busy work. Until last year, we will be married on the agenda, so, last New Year, he took me back to see his family. But I did not expect that this incident became the trigger for our breakup.

The day we met, his parents gave me a gift of 800 yuan, I accepted. What I didn’t expect was that after coming out of his house, he said to me that I should return the money to him, saying that it was his parents’ money, that it was not easy for his parents to make money, and that I couldn’t ask for their money.

I didn’t understand until the moment he took the money back, he was too calculating, from the beginning he was calculating how much this relationship was worth spending him, he was afraid to pay more than me, he was afraid he would lose out. But when you think about it, with his love, time, affection, money I can not get anything, this kind of feelings also need to be why?

After the breakup, he also to the “academic” tone with my rational discussion, but I will never go back. I thought our relationship was over, but what I didn’t expect was that after I broke up, he dumped the books for the past few years and asked me to pay them back. When we were together, I spent a lot of money on him and had to pay him back. Even the milk tea we usually drink, if he paid for it, he also asked me to return to him.

I’m too lazy to argue with him, I didn’t even think about it, directly pulled him, as eight years of youth fed the dog.

The first time I saw the company, I was able to get a good deal.
The company’s staff is 28 years old.
The breakup was chased by my ex-girlfriend to ask me to pay back the money, and finally lost 30,000 yuan, it is really some hard to say, although it is not my fault, but I can not help but feel that my life is some failure.

It is said that breakups see character, for me, more than a better understanding of human nature, but also learned the legal knowledge.

We are from a colleague relationship into a relationship of lovers, dating for more than two years, during which is still very sweet. Like many couples, our dates are dinner, movies, trips, or gifts to express our love. As for the expenses, I will bear relatively more.

After a year of relationship, we live together, rent and utilities are also I out, other daily expenses of two people each half, put together to spend.

I am not very calculating on money. On the one hand, my bones are more traditional, I think the boys should pay more; on the other hand, because the ex-girlfriend’s family conditions are not very good, rural families, the mother always take medicine, but also for the two younger brothers to study, every month to send money home.

The former girlfriend is very careful in terms of money, sometimes my money will be “counted” into. When we got together for half a year, she often looked for me to borrow money, one said that the two brothers will soon start school, the family beans have not yet reached the harvest season no money to pay tuition, want to borrow 5,000 yuan with me to temporarily slow down, when the beans sold money to pay back the money. A moment and said that the mother needs money for treatment, but the salary has not been issued, need to borrow 1000 yuan should be emergency …… At that time we are in love, embarrassed to refuse, and the number is not much, it is directly transferred to tell her not to pay back.

She said I was sent from heaven to save her “hero”, but “hero” is really not good. My mother’s medical bills and my brother’s school fees became a frequent topic of conversation between us, with transfers of 1,000, 2,000 and 3,000 yuan interspersed in our sweet dialogues.

The highest time was 10,000 yuan, her father was sick and hospitalized, the doctor suspected lung cancer and needed to operate as soon as possible, this time she clearly said it was a loan and would pay me back little by little after earning money. Later, the diagnosis was tuberculosis, and I gave her another 5,000 yuan for the second surgery.

Honestly, a relationship mixed with money can sometimes affect the relationship between two people. Her father has been discharged from the hospital for six months, but borrowed her the 15,000 yuan, she never mentioned, I always think about, my money is also hard-earned, not a big wind to come, but every time she only said no money, said slowly return me, but from the moment I asked the words, she consciously or unconsciously began to alienate me.

The dog’s blood is that I have paid so much, but she has not been moved. It was not until I saw her smiling in front of a restaurant and got into a man’s car that I found out she had given me a green hat.

In the face of my questioning, she calmly proposed to break up, that night she did not come back to our home, only on WeChat faintly told me to come back tomorrow to pack things.

But even if I took two years of sincere efforts as fed to the dogs, but I successively gave her 30,000 yuan of money can not be wasted. I consulted a lawyer friend around, before playing money because there is no clear mention of “loan” and other key words, may be the other party to the name of the gift refused to return, only the 15,000 can be returned through legal channels.

As a result, not only did I not get it back, but I also got a lecture. We arranged to meet at a coffee shop, and the other party was obviously prepared. She gave me a bill: “5,000 yuan for the abortion, 5,000 yuan for nutrition, 10,000 yuan for moral damage, and 20,000 yuan for loss of youth. I didn’t count any of these to much, you should at least give me another 10,000.”

I was shocked, I don’t understand why this girl can become so cold-blooded and unreasonable. In fact, she did have an abortion for me once, when we couldn’t welcome the life because of the unstable job and financial situation.

The final outcome of the negotiation was that we each took a step back, got even with each other, and each was fine.

This breakup experience completely changed my view of relationships, I began to calculate the inputs in the relationship, and now my girlfriend is basically evenly matched in terms of spending, I do not know if this is the right thing to do or not, just do not want to repeat the same mistake.

The first thing you need to do is to find a person to marry in order to not waste money on the banquet

The fact that those who want money and gifts after a breakup are not worth mentioning in front of my ex, who is the real “actuary”.

The former’s mother is more superstitious, last year in advance to find a “master” to calculate the date, said her son in May this year is the best time to get married, to help her son’s future fortune to improve.

At the beginning of this year, the former parents came to my house to propose marriage, the two parents agreed that the man’s family to pay the down payment for the purchase of a house, our family out of the money for renovation. The price of down payment and decoration is not much different.

The former family gave 100,000 yuan in bride price, but my parents said it was just a formality, the 100,000 yuan will eventually be given to the two of us to subsidize the small family. My family is accompanied by a small car of more than 100,000 yuan as a substitute car.

Because the wedding has been roughly set, the former mother worried about the May Day holiday wedding too many people, the hotel banquet reservation can not, and also the price will rise, so take advantage of the beginning of the cheap time to pay a deposit, booking the May Day banquet, but also take advantage of the cheap time to find a good wedding company, but also to relatives and friends spread the date of the wedding.

My ex and I did not get a license before the wedding, we originally arranged to get a license after the reception, May 20. Now that I think about it, this idea really saved my life. If I had gotten a license, it would have been too late to regret.

Our family has bought a car in advance according to the agreement, but the former family may think that the wedding has been scheduled, the wedding invitation has also spread out, the marriage is the nail in the coffin, I can not run away, so the bride price thing is delayed again and again. The former said to me that the bride price should be forgotten, and that my parents would not really accept it anyway.

This confusing statement made me shocked, I can not want to bride price, but should be in the engagement to say good, not wait for the engagement, my family gave the dowry, think I can not run away before saying not to give bride price. This is obviously playing a game with me, not sincere at all. After my parents knew about it, they were also very angry and felt that their family had no integrity and the family played our family as a monkey, and with the support of my parents, I cancelled the engagement.

Because the house had been renovated, it was a bit of a hassle to clear up after the breakup. The ex’s family asked me to move all the soft furnishings and appliances in the new house in order to pay back less money so that they could pay back only the money for the hard furnishings, even the money for a piece of carpet.

That’s not all, the more confusing operation is that because the banquet and wedding ceremony have long been paid a deposit, the wedding information are also spread out early. In order not to waste this money, the former and I broke up quickly arranged a blind date, directly for a “bride” to get married. The woman is also anxious to get married, and the two of them agreed to settle down at once. In order to get married with me and booked the banquet and wedding, not wasted at all.

I can only say that thanks to my enlightened parents, I was able to support my withdrawal, if I really married him, I’m afraid I will face more odd things in the future.

The second wife is calculating my house, I “give” the house to my ex-wife
Shango|28 years old mathematics teacher
Now, having experienced two marriages, I am completely disappointed with marriage. The first beautiful wife poor temper, can not tolerate me, the second not beautiful wife temper is not good to go, but the heart of a lot more calculations, so I am very tired every day.

In 2018, I divorced my ex-wife because of a breakup of feelings, a year later met my second wife through a blind date, before we got married, she brought three children over to live, while my children were raised by my ex-wife, only occasionally over to live. Originally I thought to find an unattractive wife, can take care of the family tolerance me, in fact, after the marriage her temper is not as good as before, and the heart never in our family, only want me to raise her children, to buy her a house.

My second wife is a graduate, three years older than me, and works as a teacher in a private high school in our city. She had already had two children while she was in graduate school, and had another one shortly after graduation. At that time, family planning was strict, and she had no way to take the preparation, and civil service, so she had to enter the private sector. When we first met she told me that because she had three daughters in a row, plus a broken relationship she divorced her ex-husband, and her three daughters were raised by her alone.

In 2019, after I married her I realized that many things are not the same as what she said in her mouth. For example, she gave birth unmarried while in college and had a second child before she got a license with her ex-husband. The original version she told me was that they liked each other in college and got a license before they had a child. This is actually a little hard for me to accept, but I thought I was already married for the second time, and the certificate was also ripped, so what else can I do, and let it go.

What I can’t accept is that she was gentle, obedient, generous and decent before the marriage, but after the marriage, it’s all gone, leaving only a mean, calculating ugly face.

In less than six months of marriage, she tried to get me to surrender my salary card, the financial power to her to manage, I do not pay, you will find ways to take money out of my hands, such as buying an electrical appliance, home to buy food all to find me reimbursement, her three children’s school fees also let me pay, in short, and I live in a piece about her everything I pay, she did not pull out a dime.

After the breakup, the ex became an "actuary"

Sometimes my ex-wife sends her daughter over and she gets angry when she sees my daughter, and I buy a cake for my child’s birthday to give me a face, saying that I spend money frivolously. This kind of performance makes me very upset, I have not spent her money yet.

Later, she began to encourage me to buy a house, saying that the house is too old and too small to live, and later when my daughter grows up to live more crowded. I originally had the intention to buy another house, thinking that the city’s school district will appreciate, as an investment, so we bought another house.

The original agreement to write the new house in both of our names, the two sides jointly funded the down payment, but after paying the deposit she reneged, saying that the savings bought the bank’s financial management can not move.

A few days later, she came up with a new idea, let me sell the original house, and add some money to buy a more expensive single-family house. If the down payment is not enough, let me go to my ex-wife to borrow some money or lower the child support for my daughter. Although I am not a law student, but at least I know some marriage law. If I follow that operation of hers and sell the house I bought in full to buy a new house, the money from the old house goes in and out, and the new house becomes marital property, even if she didn’t pay for it, she has half of it.

Sometimes I can’t understand why she’s so calculating and has endless ideas of what to do every day. Her ex-husband’s family is very well off, and after the divorce she was given two large three-bedroom flats in the capital city, so why is she always thinking about my house?

The house deposit has been paid, there is no way to return, in order to raise money I borrowed from my ex-wife to make up the down payment, and I have also agreed with my ex-wife that the title of the new house is my daughter’s, and the loan will be paid back in full. Because my daughter’s custody is with my ex-wife, the house is to a certain extent also equivalent to the ex-wife, but I still write the house in my daughter’s name, and later as a dowry for my daughter.

Now, the second wife knows, every day with me, every day, I can not fight, but also clamoring for a divorce. Originally remarried, I was planning to have a son to leave the money to my son, but now I do not dare to have children with my current wife, and do not want to have anything to do with her. Although the marriage is not over, but basically already exists in name.

In accordance with this situation, divorce is a matter of time, dragging out the wear and tear only do not want to let everyone see the joke, to themselves, but also to leave a face to the wife.

The 5 year old sister, after the breakup, even the gas money is counted on my head
Yang bundle | 28-year-old programmer
In 2019, I met a sister, 5 years older than me. I was working in Beijing at the time, and because I was bored after work, I would go to social networking software to chat with online friends, sort of like a person in a foreign country to escape.

She said her age at the time, I did not believe, I joked, not to focus on taking care of the children, run to the network of friends why; she snickered, said she was still single, no children yet. She works in a state-owned enterprise, just a grassroots employee, but quite a life experience and insight, just like the teacher named Li that I did not study well when I was in elementary school, but eventually drove me to be a good student. Naturally, I called on Missy, because I didn’t quite want to include her in another age group, she was like a soul sister.

Because of the age gap, I also make jokes to make her happy, because my personality is still quite active, she has her own car, she used to like to stay at home on weekends, I encourage her to go out for a walk, picnics, photos, etc.. She likes to make all kinds of plans, whether it’s a trip or spending expenses, the time can be accurate to the minute, the expenses are accurate to the dollar, and the tolerance for the unexpected is very low, I was curious about this at first and also felt that this is how life is lived.

The relationship was finally confirmed at the end of 2019, and since then I have lived what I thought was a happy life. A partner who is financially independent, has their own worldview, lives life as their first starting point, understands each other, and is in control of the pace of life is the essence of my predictable life.

After the breakup, the ex became an "actuary"

Photo / “The Pretty Sister Who Invites Me to Dinner

But the ideal eventually lost out to reality. The more we got along, the deeper our conflicts became. She doesn’t like surprises, and when we go out to eat, we have to follow a planned route to a scheduled restaurant, and even when we buy clothes, we have to follow her ideas. I completely lived a “planned economy” life. She will come every weekend to cook for me, I will give her a sum of money each time, buy vegetables and meat, she also forgot to remind, marked “cooking special”. She explained that she didn’t want to be unclear about the breakup later, and I laughed.

We finally broke up after six months because she couldn’t stand my childishness and I couldn’t understand her so-called maturity. After the breakup, I thought it would be like the last relationship split, but did not expect, directly ushered in her control, she called the “feelings clearing period”, both to calculate the emotional account, but also to calculate the economic account.

A person who sees through life eventually lives into life itself. The actual car depreciation as well as the gas money of the relationship period to me, a total of 3504 yuan, I received this digital bill type of text message, my whole person is confused, I consulted a lawyer, the lawyer said not to pay, the other party also has no legal basis.

But I paid her anyway, and in the end, I didn’t even want her in my world for one moment. There is a saying that people have a woman who is a big girl and holds a golden brick. This relationship, I directly hold two gold bricks, but did not expect, after the breakup, the two gold bricks into a stone brick, smashed into their feet.

Because buy a house to talk about the breakup, to go back to the meeting of relatives
Qianqianqian|27-year-old accountant
I had been working in Beijing before, because my family on my daughter, my parents are anxious for me to start a family early, so I made them whole and went back home, followed by a series of dating arrangements.

Later I met a blind date, both sides are more chatty, later, we logically together. After more than 1 year together, the feelings are quite cultivated can, so they are ready to get married.

In accordance with the process of the old family, the man first gave our side half of the bride money, and then give the rest of the bride money after the engagement, a total of 80,000 yuan.

It was not until this year, after our engagement to buy a house, there were disagreements and quarrels, and the two sides erupted into conflict. As previously agreed, his family and the matchmaker were promised to buy a house in the county, but after the engagement, their family’s attitude began to change. During the period, we looked at a lot of houses, but the man always said the down payment is very expensive, the family can not get so much money, and constantly brainwashing me to tell me his parents hard, so the matter of buying a house has been dragging.

I’m a little angry, not angry not to buy a house, but angry that he did not come up with the determination and attitude to be with me. He told me every time he waited for his father to earn money to buy, but even if their family had money, the house did not buy, from the New Year to look at the house, until May.

After the breakup, the ex became an "actuary"

Because the house purchase could not be landed, I proposed a breakup. What I didn’t expect was that the next day, he came to my house with a matchmaker to ask for the bride price back.

It is reasonable to ask for the bride money back because we are not married, so we returned the bride money to the other party. But what I didn’t expect was that the man offered to take back the previous gift, and he also asked to return the gift he gave to his friends and family in cash. I didn’t expect to see a few hundred dollars of stuff, but he was able to calculate it so clearly.

In the relationship together for more than a year almost two years, I actually did not spend much of his money, all my expenses are not let him out, occasionally out to eat a meal are I pay for this he paid for the next, he sent gifts I also give back, never took advantage of. I really did not expect the other party to make this demand, so we were particularly surprised. The money he asked for we have returned, he owes me I also do not care.

It is said that it is important for both parties in a relationship to have the same outlook. The two of us have very different values when it comes to money and friends, and I don’t like that kind of calculating man. The good thing is that luckily it was found in time to stop the damage.

It is important to try to live your life well. The world of emotions is better than nothing, otherwise the ultimate pain is still their own.

*In the article, Shinran, Wang Kai, Mian, Shan, Yang bundle, Qianqian are pseudonyms

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